This past General Conference has been very insightful and inspiring. Many wonderful talks with very key points that I felt the church members needed to hear were given. I wish to review most of the talks briefly and my observations about them. I must warn that I will be blunt with my opinion, as some of my thoughts and feelings may not be the most popular in the "village square", but are my honest thoughts concerning the topics and my concerns about the members of the Church today. I am not however claiming to be perfect or to know everything, I am far from that, trust me!
To start out the October 2015 General Conference weekend,President Dieter F. Uchtdorf hits the nail on the head. He addressed one of the biggest issues I think that exists for members of the church today. We could have ended conference after his talk and I would have been satisfied. I have a lot of feedback about his talk, so I have hidden it in a spoiler tag to save space and allow you to quickly scroll to other parts of this post with ease. To view my feedback, click on Show/Hide.
His focus was on the simplicity of the Gospel and how we as members may be over-analyzing the unnecessary trivial things and allowing our imperfect knowledge and understanding to overtake our faith, hope and testimony. He started out with a hilarious yet true quote.
"Not long ago I saw a quote that made me stop and think. It went like this: “Tell a man there are trillions of stars in the universe, and he’ll believe you. Tell him there’s wet paint on the wall, and he’ll touch it just to be sure.”"
He goes on to tell about a recent medical procedure he undertook and how despite the advice and instructions from medical professionals, he still had some doubt and was convinced that if he searched the Internet, he would find information that they were hiding from him for personal gain or whatever.
"It took me a little while before I realized the irony of what I was doing. Of course, researching things for ourselves is not a bad idea. But I was disregarding truth I could rely on and instead found myself being drawn to the often-outlandish claims of Internet lore.
Sometimes, the truth may just seem too straightforward, too plain, and too simple for us to fully appreciate its great value. So we set aside what we have experienced and know to be true in pursuit of more mysterious or complicated information. Hopefully we will learn that when we chase after shadows, we are pursuing matters that have little substance and value."
Isn't that the truth? I think we all find ourselves wondering at times if the church is really true, if God is real. If He loves us. If the Gospel has been restored. If Joseph Smith was a true prophet. If we have the Priesthood authority of God on the Earth today. These questions can stir the heart and soul of anyone who sincerely questions. And I believe it is okay to ask questions! Sometimes the question will not be answered immediately, and that can be of concern to us. This topic reminds me a lot of Elder Holland's remarks at a Seminary and Institute Devotional this past February of 2015. What he said in that broadcast still resonates with me to this day.
"In the meantime, I have a question. What conceivable historical or doctrinal or procedural issue that may arise among any group could ever overshadow or negate one’s consuming spiritual conviction regarding the Father’s merciful plan of salvation; His Only Begotten Son’s birth, mission, Atonement, and Resurrection; the reality of the First Vision; the restoration of the priesthood; the receipt of divine revelation, both personally and institutionally; the soul-shaping spirit and moving power of the Book of Mormon; the awe and majesty of the temple endowment; one’s own personal experience with true miracles; and on and on and on? Talk about a question! It is a mystery to me how those majestic, eternal, first-level truths so central to the grandeur of the whole gospel message can be set aside or completely dismissed by some in favor of obsessing over second- or third- or fourth-level pieces of that whole. To me, this is, in words attributed to Edith Wharton, truly being trapped in “the thick of thin things.”
I readily acknowledge the very legitimate inquiries of many who are perfectly honest in heart. I also readily acknowledge that everyone has some gospel question or other yet to be answered. Nevertheless, we would hope, for skeptic, believer, and everyone in between, that humility, faith, and the influence of the Holy Spirit would always be elements of every quest for truth, that foundational truths would always be the reference points in that quest, and that all other issues which may yet need resolving are pursued “by study and also by faith.” At the end of the day, all of us must make distinctions between the greater and the lesser elements of our testimony. For me the greater pillars include those majestic truths mentioned earlier, their irreplaceable centrality in my life, and the realization that I simply could not live, I could not go on without them or without the blessings I have known or without the promises we have all been given in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."
To paraphrase the above lengthy quote, Elder Holland basically asks, are we going to allow every nit-picky trivial skeptical dirty secret in church history, doctrine or culture to impact whatever spiritual experiences we have had? Should knowing how Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon using a stone change our spiritual confirmation from the Holy Ghost that the book is true? Should learning about polygamy, blacks and the Priesthood and every other political and legal situation that the church always seemed to be thrown under the bus about, challenge our testimony of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and of modern revelation through person prayer, scripture study and inspired words from our living Prophets and Apostles?
If it has affected your testimony, if it has caused doubt and fear, skepticism and uncertainty, don't be afraid. You will NOT go to hell for asking, being curious, concerned, worried, confused, scared or otherwise hesitant of testimony. If Joseph Smith wasn't confused, curious, concerned, worried and skeptical about religion, about which church was right, would he have studied the bible and sought an answer through prayer?
What do you do about your testimony if it is weak or non-existent, if you want to know the truth, as Joseph did? I will get to that in a second, but first let's review.
Again, President Uchtdorf said, "Sometimes, the truth may just seem too straightforward, too plain, and too simple for us to fully appreciate its great value. So we set aside what we have experienced and know to be true in pursuit of more mysterious or complicated information." We are far too used to complex scientific ideas, cultural and historical facts and other mind-boggling trivia that when a simple answer is given, it seems too good to be true. We want to touch that wet paint, just to be sure it's actually wet. So how do we overcome this natural man, this struggle that we all face in various levels every day?
Uchtdorf answers that,
"One way is by asking the right questions—the kind that help us ponder our progress and evaluate how things are working for us. Questions like:
“Does my life have meaning?”
“Do I believe in God?”
“Do I believe that God knows and loves me?”
“Do I believe that God hears and answers my prayers?”
“Am I truly happy?”
“Are my efforts leading me to the highest spiritual goals and values in life?”"
He goes on to ask,
"I wonder if we as Church members might also benefit from asking ourselves from time to time: “Is my experience in the Church working for me? Is it bringing me closer to Christ? Is it blessing me and my family with peace and joy as promised in the gospel?”"
I think he not only means those with a struggling testimony or with doubt, fear and skepticism, but also those of us who are trying to be good people. Who keep the commandments, who go to church, who read our scriptures, who pray and pay our tithing and all the other good things we should be doing. Are we so busy "doing good" that we lose sight of the meaning behind why we actually are and should be doing these things?
President Uchtdorf goes on to list several key points that I just cannot make enough noise about.
"First: are we making our discipleship too complicated?
This beautiful gospel is so simple a child can grasp it, yet so profound and complex that it will take a lifetime—even an eternity—of study and discovery to fully understand it.
But sometimes we take the beautiful lily of God’s truth and gild it with layer upon layer of man-made good ideas, programs, and expectations. Each one, by itself, might be helpful and appropriate for a certain time and circumstance, but when they are laid on top of each other, they can create a mountain of sediment that becomes so thick and heavy that we risk losing sight of that precious flower we once loved so dearly."
I gave a talk at church earlier this year about the Doctrine of Christ. It was basically about the five principles of the Gospel, they being faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. Before I focused on faith, I gave this quote.
"Elder Ronald E. Poelman in the November 1984 Ensign states, “Understanding the proper relationship between the gospel and the Church will prevent confusion, misplaced priorities, and failed expectations and will lead to the realization of gospel goals through happy, fulfilling participation in the Church. Such understanding will avoid possible disaffection and will result in great personal blessings”"
I am so very happy that President Uchtdorf decided to focus on this very issue again, over 30 years later. The point of my talk's quote and his point is simple, we over-complicate the simple things in the Gospel, and if we want our testimony to be planted on firm soil with solid roots (or I suppose, following his analogy, if we want to see our flower) then we must stop making the Gospel what it is not and let it be what it is.
He proceeded to give an example of a Relief Society Sister who, bless her heart, was doing her best to exercise her calling to the fullest. To sum it up, she spent more time sewing a backdrop for her than time would have expected. I feel that many, especially the Sisters, might have felt this as a rebuke or poke from Uchtdorf saying to not make backdrops in RS lessons or other excessive work for a church calling. I don't think he is saying that. What he is saying, however, is to not put so much effort into a trivial aspect of your calling to the point where it overrides the priorities of not only the important parts of your calling, but also your personal life, family, friends, work, school, and just being happy.
That's not to say to avoid going above and beyond your calling. Before my mission I was called to be a primary teacher and I decided to dress up as the main character in each week's lesson. I was a hit in primary! I may have gone too far with my custom-made board game that I used GIMP to make and print out, with player pieces that featured each student's face (if my memory serves me right), but I still had fun and it was something I knew they would remember forever. It's not wrong to work extra hard and outside the box to fulfill your calling. However, if I spent 6 hours a day reviewing costumes on the Internet and hiring a professional sewer to made each costume custom-fit for myself instead of reviewing the lesson, scriptures and practice teaching it, perhaps Uchtdorf's point could be very well applicable to me.
With that hilariously long and lengthy rant/opinion about the simple truths of the Gospel out of the way, let's move on to answer a previously asked question. What do you do about your testimony if it is weak or non-existent, if you want to know the truth, as Joseph did? Uchtdorf answers,
"Brothers and sisters, living the gospel doesn’t need to be complicated.
It is really straightforward. It could be described like this:
• Hearing the word of God with earnest intent leads us to believe in God and to trust His promises.
• The more we trust God, the more our hearts are filled with love for Him and for each other.
• Because of our love for God, we desire to follow Him and bring our actions in alignment with His word.
• Because we love God, we want to serve Him; we want to bless the lives of others and help the poor and the needy.
• The more we walk in this path of discipleship, the more we desire to learn the word of God.
And so it goes, each step leading to the next and filling us with ever-increasing faith, hope, and charity.
It is beautifully simple, and it works beautifully."
It may take time to fully gain a testimony. Everyone is different. Do not assume that your first time praying or reading the book of Mormon or asking if the church is true will result in a miraculous spiritual manifestation like Joseph received. I will not deny its possibility, if it's God will it will happen. But for most of us, we often will find ourselves feeling a warmth come upon us, or even nothing at all. That is okay. God trusts us, He loves us. He wants us to grow and if allowing us to make a faith-driven decision is the best way for us to develop a Testimony, that's what He will do. We are all different and cannot compare each other's experiences and make assumptions on our spiritual progress based on such.
Which leads me to his second suggestion, "start where you are". He goes on to say,
"Sometimes we feel discouraged because we are not “more” of something—more spiritual, respected, intelligent, healthy, rich, friendly, or capable. Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve. God created us to grow and progress. But remember, our weaknesses can help us to be humble and turn us to Christ, who will “make weak things become strong.” Satan, on the other hand, uses our weaknesses to the point that we are discouraged from even trying...
God will take you as you are at this very moment and begin to work with you. All you need is a willing heart, a desire to believe, and trust in the Lord...
My dear brothers and sisters, if we look at ourselves only through our mortal eyes, we may not see ourselves as good enough. But our Heavenly Father sees us as who we truly are and who we can become. He sees us as His sons and daughters, as beings of eternal light with everlasting potential and with a divine destiny."
I think as members of the church, we all fall into the trap of eternal progression racing. We look at each other and compare who's had more callings in the church, who's had less struggles, who's more knowledgeable in the scriptures. We see this as a race, and we worry that we are losing, that God is at the finish line waiting for the most righteous and humble members to cross first so He can celebrate while we all catch up and are greeted by Christ or just angels.
If it makes you feel any better, I've had this mentality since like, forever. I still struggle with this, I still look up to those who are Bishops, Stake Presidents, Apostles and Prophets and think, man I wish I read my scriptures more. Man, I wish I had better habits praying. Man, I wish I were more humble. Then the Lord would find me more worthy to be called to more "righteous people" callings than my "needs to progress first" callings. Boy is this a wrong mentality to have.
Look at the Prophet and Apostles. Have they "finished" their progression yet, now that they are at the "top"? I beg to differ. They are still progressing like you and me, and the callings the Lord has given them now are for them to learn from, still. I have much more to say about this, but I will save it for further commentary down the road as we are still talking about the first talk in the Saturday Morning Session!
To conclude his talk, Uchtdorf says,
"Exaltation is our goal; discipleship is our journey.
As you exercise a little faith and begin your walk as a peaceable follower of our Lord Jesus Christ, your heart will change. Your whole being will be filled with light."
And how true that it. Still with me? Good, thanks for hanging on. :)
Elder Ballard spoke next with a continuation of a talk he gave last year about the "Old Ship Zion". The point of his talk was to emphasis key principles of the Gospel that we should "hold on" to and have faith in. I'm personally never a big fan of analogies with Gospel topics, for the most part they seem cheesy or over-done or over-stretched. Occasionally one will be clever and I suppose it helps other members of the church remember the doctrine better, and makes for catchy Mormon memes. But at least for me, it seems to annoy more than help. Maybe my heart is hardened, maybe I don't think through analogies as easily. But I love to hear the doctrine spelled out in front without the extra shavings.
Anyway, he compares the church to the "old Ship Zion". Using terms related to ships and the sea, he says the Lord is at the helm and steers the ship, and it's our job to get on and hold on. He does go on to list key truths of the Gospel in clear ways, which was nice.
He nudged the idea that Prophets and Apostles, although divinely called, are not perfect and are just like any other member of the church; vulnerable to sin and imperfections,
"The Church of Jesus Christ has always been led by living prophets and apostles. Though mortal and subject to human imperfection, the Lord’s servants are inspired to help us avoid obstacles that are spiritually life threatening and to help us pass safely through mortality to our final, ultimate, heavenly destination...
While neither perfect nor infallible, these good men and women have been perfectly dedicated to leading the work of the Lord forward as He has directed."
A bit later he is more straightforward about the imperfections of church leaders,
"It has always been a challenge for the world to accept living prophets and apostles, but it is so essential to do so in order to fully understand the Atonement and the teachings of Jesus Christ and to receive a fulness of the blessings of the priesthood that are given to those He has called.
Too many people think Church leaders and members should be perfect or nearly perfect. They forget that the Lord’s grace is sufficient to accomplish His work through mortals. Our leaders have the best intentions, but sometimes we make mistakes. This is not unique to Church relationships, as the same thing occurs in our relationships among friends, neighbors, and workplace associates and even between spouses and in families.
Looking for human weakness in others is rather easy. However, we make a serious mistake by noticing only the human nature of one another and then failing to see God’s hand working through those He has called.
Focusing on how the Lord inspires His chosen leaders and how He moves the Saints to do remarkable and extraordinary things despite their humanity is one way that we hold on to the gospel of Jesus Christ and stay safely aboard the Old Ship Zion."
Ah, I see what you did there Elder Ballard! To stay on the Old Ship Zion we need to not question the imperfections of the church leaders and instead reflect upon the Atonement and love of Jesus Christ. I do agree with that. This isn't the Church of President Monson of Latter-day Saints, it's the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Far too many people take the important element of a Testimony, that being of Joseph Smith and modern day Prophets, and set aside other elements, using this one as their base.
Let me be a hypocrite and give you an analogy. Imagine a line of dominoes. The first one closest to you is your testimony of the Prophet. Following in a line are other parts of your testimony, such as the Book of Mormon, Jesus Christ, the Priesthood, etc. If a human error is discovered and your testimony of Joseph Smith or President Monson does get affected, it will fall and hit your testimony of the Book of Mormon, then of other elements, until you are filled with doubt and disbelief.
Heavenly Father doesn't want that, He wants us to have faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, as only He is able to save us. He gives counsel and direction to His servants, the Prophets. But they are not perfect and any mistake they make shouldn't be immediately connected with doctrinal Gospel truths.
Elder Ballard continues his talk, pointing out key truths about the Gospel that we should hold onto in the "Old Ship Zion". Many good points about the family and plan of salvation. Then he gets to a pet peeve of mine... sharing testimonies. This is part of his emphasis on the Sabbath Day observance, which has been a main theme in the church this past year.
"Fast and testimony meeting is a time to share brief inspirational thoughts and bear solemn testimony. It is not a time to give a speech.
Young children should practice sharing their testimonies in Primary and with their parents in family home evening gatherings until they understand the important meaning of a testimony."
Thank you Elder Ballard! You may have heard the Mormon joke about the different kind of testimonies? There's the
share-monies (here's a great experience I had last week that reminded me of a gospel principle),
cry-a-monies (it's okay to get emotional and even to cry when sharing something deep in your heart. But do your best to let it out and then explain your testimony, then mumbling and leaving people to wonder what made you cry. I am a softy toward these people though, sometimes you cannot control your emotions and the spirit can help us to know that isn't not important what the are sharing.),
travel-a-movies (we went to Utah/the East and did a bunch of stuff. Let me read you my blog entry about it!),
speech-a-movies (I wish to share with you a 5 minute recap of a talk I read and my thoughts about it),
false-doctrine-monies (you're just lecturing and warning us about your opinion on something that isn't doctrine),
brag-a-monies (my son won the BYU sport thingy! My daughter just baptized her 10th investigator on her mission! I just read the whole book of mormon for the 4th time and can now check that off my list!),
apology-a-monies (I cannot apologize for what I said to my husband or child or random member of the ward in private, so I will embarrass myself and him/herself and do it at the stand),
guilt-invitation-monies (I invite my wife/students/so-and-so to come up and bear their testimony... only if they want to! but of course now you feel guilty if you don't, so you better!)...
and so on.
Is this list excessive and perhaps ridiculous? Yes, perhaps. Is this list inappropriate and mocking those who are still struggling to learn how to share a testimony correctly? No, I am just categorizing what other people have invented to make a quick list of the "kinds" of testimonies there are. If you did fall into one of these, I'm not judging you at all. No one is perfect, and to be honest I rarely share my testimony on Fast Sundays anyway so I guess I have no right to judge. I just like to list things out and this has been humorous to me.
His suggestion for members to practice their testimony is so important. Not just to children, but to everyone, young and old. Think about what you truly believe, and stick with that. You don't need a 5 minute testimony about every doctrine that exists, especially if you don't fully believe everything yet. Stick with that you do know, and work from there.
Elder Ballard continues about the importance of the Sabbath day and concludes with the importance of staying on the Old Ship Zion. It was a very good talk with valid points. Do I agree with the idea of a "ship zion"? No, it sounds funny and perhaps culturally influenced (does the ship serve green jello and funeral potatoes?), but his points are still valid and true.
Elder Richard J. Maynes focused on living a life with Christ at our center. (Hmm,,, seeing a pattern here? Uchtdorf talks about the simple Gospel, Ballard says to focus on the key principles, Maynes says to live a life centered on Christ...) He used an analogy (which, while I found borderline cheesy since we've had the clay and pottery analogy before, I forgave since his principle was important) of how we need to have Christ at the center of our lives so He can shape us to become what He knows we can. The analogy was, you guessed it, clay. I will not get into the details of it, you can read it yourself if you want. I wish to focus on the principles that personally helped me more than the analogy.
His talk quoted scriptures in the Book of Mormon. I fully admit, I found it hard to focus just because of the anticipation of him tying up the stories to the analogy throughout the talk. But his point was clear, we all need Christ in the center of our lives or we will not withstand the storms of the adversary.
Sister Marriottgave a talk about opening our hearts to the Lord and how and why me can and should achieve this. First and foremost, yes I loved that accent! Myself having served a mission in Houston Texas, found joy in hearing a southern voice testify of the truth.
Near the beginning she stated something that I appreciate admitted,
"My own change of heart started when, as a 12-year-old, I began to search for God. Other than saying the Lord’s Prayer, I didn’t really know how to pray. I remember kneeling, hoping I could feel His love, and asking, “Where are You, Heavenly Father? I know You must be out there somewhere, but where?” All through my teen years, I asked. I did have glimpses of the reality of Jesus Christ, but Heavenly Father, in His wisdom, let me seek and wait for 10 years."
You mean not everyone gets the answer to their honest sincere prayer as quickly as we are sometimes led to believe in other talks that share miracles stories? I appreciated her honesty, that's a long time waiting for the truth to be revealed. I hope it gives comfort to those who are seeking this truth and have not received the answer we teach about, at least not yet.
"When our delightful, worthy, 21-year-old daughter, Georgia, was hospitalized in critical condition following a bike accident, our family said, “It will all work out.” As I flew immediately from our mission in Brazil to Indianapolis, Indiana, USA, to be with her, I clung to our family motto. However, our lovely daughter passed into the spirit world just hours before my plane landed. With grief and shock running through our family like a current, how could we look at one another and still say, “It will all work out”?
Following Georgia’s mortal death, our feelings were raw, we struggled, and still today we have moments of great sorrow, but we hold to the understanding that no one ever really dies. Despite our anguish when Georgia’s physical body stopped functioning, we had faith that she went right on living as a spirit, and we believe we will live with her eternally if we adhere to our temple covenants. Faith in our Redeemer and His Resurrection, faith in His priesthood power, and faith in eternal sealings let us state our motto with conviction."
Amen Sister Marriott! Although I have not personally been affected by any loss of close family members or friends yet, I know that it is so critical to be true to our covenants, be it baptism for those recent converts, or our Temple covenants be it life long members. It doesn't matter how many covenants we have made, but if we follow all of them.
"President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God. … The Lord will not forsake us.”
Our family motto doesn’t say, “It will all work out now.” It speaks of our hope in the eternal outcome—not necessarily of present results."
This reminds me of Elder Holland's fantastic talk given a few years back. In it he said,
"...Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead...
It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come...
Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."
With that truth in mind, going back to her talk, Sister Marriott continues and focuses on the Sabbath Day saying,
"When we open ourselves to the Spirit, we learn God’s way and feel His will. During the sacrament, which I call the heart of the Sabbath, I have found that after I pray for forgiveness of sins, it is instructive for me to ask Heavenly Father, “Father, is there more?”"
Is there more for us to do? Have we done enough? Do we even ponder these things or ponder at all when partaking of the Sacrament? Don't be surprised if the Holy Ghost gives you an answer you weren't expecting or didn't want to be revealed.
"For example, perhaps I have a carefully guarded resentment toward someone. When I ask if there is more to confess, that “secret” comes clearly to my memory. In essence, the Holy Ghost is whispering, “You honestly asked if there was more, and here it is..."
It's hard, it truly is hard to open our hearts to God. It may seem like a lot to ask, especially if we've had major sins, addictions or other struggles in our lives preventing us from progressing. but as she points out, "The healing of our heart begins when we submit to and worship God".
Near the end of her talk, she says,
"I have struggled to banish the mortal desire to have things my way, eventually realizing that my way is oh so lacking, limited, and inferior to the way of Jesus Christ. “His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come.” Can we love Jesus Christ and His way more than we love ourselves and our own agenda?
Some may think they have failed too many times and feel too weak to change sinful acts or worldly desires of the heart. However, as covenant Israel, we don’t just try and try on our own to change. If we earnestly appeal to God, He takes us as we are—and makes us more than we ever imagined."
How absolutely true. I've been there, I've done that. I've been there again, I've re-learned, I've understood more clearly, and I've applied the Atonement. It is real because He loves us.
Elder Lawrence spoke next, focusing on how the Holy Ghost can guide and direct us throughout our lives. He talks about his conversion and then points out something that hurt/scared me,
"We have to ask some difficult questions, like “What do I need to change?” “How can I improve?” “What weakness needs strengthening?”"
I have sometimes intentionally avoided asking these specific questions because I know the Lord will answer and I may not like it. It's tough, it really is. Elder Lawrence gives a biblical example of a rich young ruler who was faced with the same dilemma. He was a faithful follower of Jesus Christ, who obeyed the commandments, and wanted to know what else he needed to do.
"Jesus answered immediately, giving counsel that was intended specifically for the rich young man. “Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and … come and follow me.”
The young man was stunned; he had never considered such a sacrifice. He was humble enough to ask the Lord but not faithful enough to follow the divine counsel he was given. We must be willing to act when we receive an answer."
Are we sometimes humble enough to ask the Lord but not faithful enough to obey His answers? It's like going through the motions to have a sincere heart and real intent, but not being willing to act upon the answer we are seeking. He goes on to quote Harold B Lee, and then give several very interesting examples of the answers the Holy Ghost gives,
"President Harold B. Lee taught, “Every one of us, if we would reach perfection, must [at] one time ask ourselves this question, ‘What lack I yet?’”
I knew a faithful mother who humbled herself and asked, “What is keeping me from progressing?” In her case, the response from the Spirit came immediately: “Stop complaining.”...
A humble young man who couldn’t seem to find the right young woman went to the Lord for help: “What is keeping me from being the right man?” he asked. This answer came into his mind and heart: “Clean up your language.”...
A single sister bravely asked the question: “What do I need to change?” and the Spirit whispered to her, “Don’t interrupt people when they are talking.”...
One returned missionary found himself stressed with a very heavy schedule. He was trying to find time for work, studies, family, and a Church calling. He asked the Lord for counsel...: “How can I feel at peace with all that I need to do?” The answer was not what he expected; he received the impression that he should more carefully observe the Sabbath day and keep it holy....
The Holy Ghost doesn’t tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, “line upon line, precept upon precept, … and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, … for unto him that receiveth I will give more.” For example, if the Holy Ghost has been prompting you to say “thank you” more often, and you respond to that prompting, then He may feel it’s time for you to move on to something more challenging—like learning to say, “I’m sorry; that was my fault.”
This was so perfect, I liked the example he gave and the variety of responses we could get that truly are customized for ourselves. "He is a completely honest companion and will tell us things that no one else knows or has the courage to say".
And then came the challenge,
"I would like to suggest that each of you participate in a spiritual exercise sometime soon, perhaps even tonight while saying your prayers. Humbly ask the Lord the following question: “What is keeping me from progressing?” In other words: “What lack I yet?” Then wait quietly for a response. If you are sincere, the answer will soon become clear. It will be revelation intended just for you...
The Spirit can show us our weaknesses, but He is also able to show us our strengths. Sometimes we need to ask what we are doing right so that the Lord can lift and encourage us. When we read our patriarchal blessings, we are reminded that our Heavenly Father knows our divine potential. He rejoices every time we take a step forward. To Him, our direction is ever more important than our speed."
Have you taken this challenge up yet? I have, and it's incredible how much my own life has changed with just one question.
Elder Viñas then gave a talk about the pleasing word of God. Like my comment on the General Woman's broadcast, this talk didn't (and upon reviewing it, still doesn't) really impact me much. Again, it's not that this talk is bad or that I am closed minded (but perhaps there is some of the latter), but that it isn't something I need to or am ready to hear yet. Perhaps for one of you it really influenced your life, and that's fantastic! Don't feel bad, in fact feel excited that the Lord spoke to you through one of His servants!
Elder Cook was the final speaker for the Saturday Morning Session. I will admit by this point I was personally fed from the prior talks and was eager to have lunch and prepare for the remaining session that day. So most of his talk was just filler for the remaining time. I was listening, and did feel the spirit. However, one thing that did catch my attention was this.
"I believe that sometimes our loving Father in Heaven must view us with the amusement we feel when we watch our own small children as they learn and grow. We all stumble and fall as we gain experience.
I appreciated the conference address President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave in 2010 about the famous marshmallow experiment conducted at Stanford University in the 1960s. You will remember that four-year-olds were given a single marshmallow. If they could wait for 15 or 20 minutes without eating it, they would receive a second marshmallow. Videos have been produced showing the contortions that many children used to avoid eating the marshmallow. Some did not succeed.
Last year the professor who conducted the original experiment, Dr. Walter Mischel, wrote a book in which he said the study grew in part out of his concerns about self-control and his own addiction to smoking. He was particularly concerned after the U.S. Surgeon General’s report of 1964 concluded that smoking caused lung cancer. After years of study, one of his professional colleagues reported that “self-control is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Avoiding something tempting once will help you develop the ability to resist other temptations in the future.""
Yes, I did remember that talk vaguely. How fascinating to find out more about that experiment and to learn of the origins of it. I have to agree that avoiding temptation will help you avoid it stronger and more powerful the next time it comes. I fight temptations everyday, many that I tell myself I will stop and not do again. But then I do it again. And I tell myself I'll stop. But I do it again. But through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and my honest open heart and desire to change, I have been able to conquer challenges, even if I do screw up yet again, He is always ready to forgive. He wants to forgive.
He also brought up the importance of the Sabbath day a bit. I won't get into it much, but I appreciate the emphasis of recognizing the importance of the Sabbath day and try to keep it Holy. It's clear that we as members need to think about what we do and find ways to improve.
Well, that was Saturday Morning Session of the 2015 October General Conference! I hope you enjoyed reading my review and my thoughts on each talk. I really enjoyed this session and look forward to reviewing the next four sessions (Priesthood exists Ladies ;) ). Again, if you have any comments at all, feel free to reply below. I am curious to know what you think of my thoughts and what you got from these talks.
This past General Conference has been very insightful and inspiring. Many wonderful talks with very key points that I felt the church members needed to hear were given. I wish to review most of the talks briefly and my observations about them. I must warn that I will be blunt with my opinion, as some of my thoughts and feelings may not be the most popular in the "village square", but are my honest thoughts concerning the topics and my concerns about the members of the Church today. I am not however claiming to be perfect or to know everything, I am far from that, trust me!
First and foremost, I decided to do the impossible, the naughty, the illegal. I watched the General Woman's Conference. I say impossible, naughty and illegal because of the misunderstanding that I was forbidden to watch this conference as I am a Priesthood holder. Prior to it's recent name change, it was the Relief Society Broadcast and I am clearly not in that organization. Back a few years ago the only way to watch this or the Priesthood session was to physically go to a church building, where the broadcast it via satellite. It seemed clear to me that it was prohibited for the opposite sex to be present. After all, Priesthood men aren't in Relief Society and the Women aren't in Priesthood on Sundays. So it must be wrong. Of course, this mentality was incorrect, and as the church has started streaming broadcasts live on the website, it became clear that anyone was welcome to watch, but it was to focus on issues and challenges the Women needed to hear.
This past week I decided that I wanted to "rebel" and watch the conference online. I made a small deal about it in church meetings and did get the eye. This was on purpose, I wanted to see how people would react, and they did how I would have before I changed my attitude and eyes about it. But it was interesting to see how no one was opposed to my decision or persuaded me to not watch. Rather, they just found it odd or usual. Anyway, watching this conference has changed how I view the Women in the church and as a general society.
Rosemary M. Wixom spoke first and focused on the divine nature of women.
"If you ever question that spark of divinity within you, kneel in prayer and ask Heavenly Father, “Am I really Thy daughter, and dost Thou love me?” Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “One of the sweetest messages the Spirit will relay is how the Lord feels about you.”"
It shouldn't have been a surprise to me, but women struggle to see themselves with value just as much as I do! I had never considered that to be such a big issue. I have been naive growing up, assuming that because I had the Priesthood that I had more problems and struggles. That my sins and addictions were unique and that women didn't experience as much pain. After all, every time I saw girls, they seemed happy. They seemed to expect greater from me, in fact. This was of course not true, but that's how I felt as I grew up.
Linda S. Reevesspoke next and talked about covenants and the struggles that women faced day to day in the world trying to follow them.
"Sisters, Satan has raised a Korihor-like banner in our day with increasing success. What are some of his tools? Seductive romance novels, TV soap operas, married women and old boyfriends connecting on social media, and pornography. We must be so careful, dear sisters! We cannot play with Satan’s fiery darts and not get burned. I know of nothing that will qualify us for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as much as virtue."
This, I think was the biggest perspective shocker for me. Sure, I was fully aware of the dangers of morality with pornography and sex before marriage and and modest dating and dancing and so on. But I had always seen it from the perspective of a man. I was the one who "liked" boobs, I was the one who needed to not lust after women, who was degrading the sacred nature of women and of procreation. It was my fault that women were seen and treated as sex objects, as something to enjoy for pleasure. But after hearing a general women's leader bluntly state this list in a conference for women, I suddenly had a change in perspective.
At that moment I realized just how much these wonderful, righteous daughters of God struggled to keep their covenants and recognize their worth in the world. No wonder this was a struggle! They see the Miss Perfect on TV, the sexual advertisements and men who are "happy" because their wives are "beautiful".They see this and want to be like that! But everyone is different physically, some aren't as "aesthetically pleasing" as others, according to Miss Perfect. So these poor girls and women think they are useless or need to try harder. Or if they have a Miss Perfect body, they feel pressure and responsibility to stay that way, because of the attention they get and how happy they feel when guys look at, smile and flirt with them. Oh. My. Goodness.
Sisters, I want it clear that no matter what your are physically, even if you are "fat", "ugly", "not perfect", "plain", etc that as far as I'm concerned, who cares? When I consider girls to date as a young adult, of course I will naturally be more attractive to certain features and looks than others. That's how my body is built. We are made to be attractive to others. Someone I think is drop dead gorgeous, my friend will think is just pretty. And who they think is sexy I might not find appealing. That is how we are built. It is tough to like someone but for them to not like you as much. I've gone through some emotions and experiences like that already. But just know that no matter what people tell you, ask Heavenly Father what he thinks of you, as these women encourage.
Carole F. McConkiewas the last women's leader to speak and focused on serving a righteous cause. I think it was a very good talk and quite honestly have no specific feedback about it. Nothing bothered me, nothing stood out to me. It was just a good talk that I'm sure stood out and impressed many Sisters in the church. And that's good! These talks were not meant for me specifically, so this talk not specifically impacting me in any way shouldn't be a concern to you as you read my thoughts. That's the joy of the Gospel and of individual progression, learning how each of us receive different inspiration from the same message because we each have different struggles and weaknesses and the Lord teaches us each different things based on our needs.
One quick quote I did want to point out though, was this.
"Before we were born, we accepted our Heavenly Father’s plan “by which [we] could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”13 Of this premortal covenant, Elder John A. Widtsoe explained: “We agreed, right then and there, to be not only saviors for ourselves but … saviors for the whole human family. We went into a partnership with the Lord. The working out of the plan became then not merely the Father’s work, and the Savior’s work, but also our work. The least of us, the humblest, is in partnership with the Almighty in achieving the purpose of the eternal plan of salvation.”"
We learn in the later talks during the Saturday and Sunday sessions of conference about the divine roles of mothers, women and sisters, but for now I wanted to point out the truth of this statement.
Dieter F. Uchtdorfspoke last and focused on how life can bring disappointments, trials, suffering and pains. But if we focus on that and only think about the negative aspects, we will forever be sad, depressed and just unhappy. He told a story of a girl who went to live at her Great-Aunt's house for a period of time. This older woman was always happy and never seemed to be negative no matter the situation. The girl was so confused and as the story is told, we learn about the different struggles and questions the girl goes through and has.
“There is enough that doesn’t go right in life, so anyone can work themselves into a puddle of pessimism and a mess of melancholy. But I know people who, even when things don’t work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. …
I think we all find ourselves in a puddle every now and then. It's those who get up from the fall, who try again and don't give up, who are the happiest. Don't you quit, as a wise apostle once said.
“… God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy! So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter. No, it doesn’t happen instantly, but honestly, how many good things do? …
I love his honest point at the end. How many times do wonderful happen instantly? They were married happily ever after? Maybe after years, decades of hard work, dedication and love sure!
“… Now is part of eternity. It doesn’t only begin after we die! Faith and hope will open your eyes to the happiness that is placed before you now. …
NOW is part of eternity!!! This reminds me of a talk he gave in Priesthood Session a year or two ago about the Restoration of the Gospel. In that talk, he states,
"Sometimes we think of the Restoration of the gospel as something that is complete, already behind us—Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon, he received priesthood keys, the Church was organized. In reality, the Restoration is an ongoing process; we are living in it right now. It includes “all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal,” and the “many great and important things” that “He will yet reveal.”...
This is one of the most remarkable periods of the world’s history! Ancient prophets yearned to see our day...
When our time in mortality is complete, what experiences will we be able to share about our own contribution to this significant period of our lives and to the furthering of the Lord’s work? Will we be able to say that we rolled up our sleeves and labored with all our heart, might, mind, and strength? Or will we have to admit that our role was mostly that of an observer?"
We are living in eternity. We shouldn't wait until we die with resurrected bodies to be happy. In fact, if we do that then we will never be happy, because "God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy!"
“… Everything … in the gospel—all the shoulds and the musts and the thou shalts—lead to love."
Yes, exactly! This is an awesome analogy that I wish people understood more. The commandments aren't here to restrict us or make us have to follow rules, they are in fact the way for us to experience eternal joy and happiness, if we let it.
Um, President Uchtdorf, can you read this talk in the Priesthood session too? I think this applies to everyone. I am not saying that he made a mistake or I think the Lord picked the wrong audience to focus on. My point is that I believe every talk in all sessions can be applied to everyone if we let it. I learned from this talk. There's so much truth to learn.
That's my take on the General Women's Conference. I will separate each conference session in a different post since I will likely have a lot of comments as I have proven with just an hour and a half session here.
And I'm not begging or expecting any comments, but please, if you do have any questions, comments, agreements or disagreements, to feel free and post. Be open, be bold. Be honest. I am open to other perspectives, it makes discussions more interesting and enjoyable.
I have realized today that my mind is a very powerful tool that if not handled correctly, could result in unintended consequences and behaviors and expectations. Whenever I am presented with the opportunity to made a decision or judgement on a situation, I tend to ask for other opinions, I try to determine which decisions will impact me the most in positive ways, and then I stick to that choice or opinion until presented with new and better information.
In this blog post, I want to focus on college. Oh college, what a complex yet simple thing that some people have a detailed confident plan about while others struggle all their lives to figure out. Spending as little as a few grand to almost a million just to get experience, a chance to get a dream job and possibly meet your wife/husband. Welcome to the world of college.
On my mission I learned to plan and set goals and had very specific ideas that I was confident about accomplishing. We had guides that would help us know what to teach and what to do. It was very well setup. Yet when I came home and it was time for me to figure out my life, I stumbled and fell. Well, what do I want to do with my life? I knew my interests and I had friends who lived in certain places so I could motivate to go to certain colleges to be with them and enjoy my interests. But how do I get there? There was no book that covered each career and your life situation and gave a plan and set of goals on how to accomplish them.
I had to figure things out, and fast. I asked many friends what they thought and besides the normal "pray about it" advice, I got some suggestions and would indeed pray about it to decide what was right. Except that I really didn't know, and I think the Lord didn't care, He just wanted me to make up my mind and then He'd give me blessings and opportunities and so on.
The point of this post isn't to focus on my choices, but rather the power of influence in making those. I have been told by several people that BYU is a good choice. My parents like it, friends like it. It has two programs that I like, one is animation/filming and the other is sign language. Both interests I want to pursue. With the influence of others, I had become convinced to attend a local community college that would help bypass a few requirements at BYU and make things easier.
Well, now that I've done that, and am waiting for results from BYU... I have realized how powerful these influences have been. I haven't studied other options. I chose what I have from just a few people's suggestions. I feel that the Lord wants me to just figure it out and He'll help me when I do need it. And I sit here and wonder, was it worth it? If I am rejected, was the community college still worth it? Should I have started this path?
I feel the answer is yes because of many personal and not so personal blessings I have already experienced, however the point here is, a single person's opinion can influence your decision to spend thousands of dollars. So always be mindful and make sure you are happy with the choice, not just that others are as well.
Until very recently, I have been terrified of asking girls on dates. This is an example of a typical date-asking-out-scenario:
Boy walks up to girl/calls her on the phone, "Hi Girl A*, this is Boy. Would you like to go out on a date with me on Friday? I was thinking we do this and that. I'll pick you up at 7pm."
Girl A, "Sure! Okay, sounds like fun! I'll see you then!"
And it's that simple. Or is it?
Here is what my mind has envisioned for many years as to what goes on in each other's heads:
Boy walks up to girl/calls her on the phone, "Hi Girl A, this is Boy. Would you like to go out on a date with me on Friday?" thinking, "I like you and want to get to know you better because as we both know, dating is how you eventually get married and by me asking you on a date, I am saying that I think you are a possible option for me when choosing someone I want to get married to. So hopefully this date works, but if it doesn't then I'm going to feel super bad and you'll probably hate me and be depressed because it didn't work out and I'm an evil person for not finding you attractive enough. Now you have to be single and keep hoping someone calls and asks you out!"
Girl A, thinking, "Oh, my, gosh. He is asking me out! Does he like me? I think he's cute. I can't believe he's asking me out!", says "Okay, sounds like fun!"
Growing up, I was afraid that if I asked a girl out they would automatically assume that I am willing to get married to them and will put forth effort to get to know them better. Which I suppose is partially true. But that has scared me so much that the girl might think I'm considering her for marriage that I never wanted to date when I was at the age. It took literately years before I spent weeks building up the courage to ask a friend out to prom on my 18th birthday. That took a lot of mental preparation. By the time I finally asked her out, I had put so much mental energy into it that when she said yes, I could feel all the stress, the worry and problems I had in my mind just fly away and was filled with indescribable joy.
So if asking someone out to prom before I served a mission was scary, imagine asking someone after your mission when it's clear what your next goal is?
Yet the few dates I've been on, asking them out so far hasn't been scary at all. It took me about 6-8 months since I been home to actually have the confidence to date, It hasn't been too bad and so far I don't think my imagined scenario has been reality too much. I guess when you haven't done it, you are terrified to do so and imagine the worst, but when you actually do it it's not as bad.
But that's how I viewed dating even until just recently. Once you do something you are scared and uncertain of, it will become less scary.
I have realized today that my mind is a very powerful tool that if not handled correctly, could result in unintended consequences and behaviors and expectations. Whenever I am presented with the opportunity to made a decision or judgement on a situation, I tend to ask for other opinions, I try to determine which decisions will impact me the most in positive ways, and then I stick to that choice or opinion until presented with new and better information.
Take marriage. I know my next major goals are to get a college education, good supportive job and married. Marriage itself can be very complicated and I do not want to overestimate or undervalue it's importance, but there have been many suggestions and misunderstandings that have stuck with me and become my "motive" when pursuing marriage. As members of the LDS church, we have been told time and time again to get married if we are single. That is an obvious and simple statement, yet as someone who just finished one's mission and am trying to get involved in the dating life, that can be more of an impact on me than to others.
I think too deep. I know that. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I cherish it. I worry too much. I know that as well. I envision situations in my mind of what I hope happens and then the worst case scenario. So I can enjoy a fantasy world, and still prepare for the worst case scenario. This has been how I've always lived. Expect the worst, hope for the best. This powerful influence has caused me to worry a lot, and to underestimate my worth and value to others.
So let's assume that I meet and like Girl A*. I think she is cute, and she is nice to me. We talk and converse through technology and become friends. At this stage, it's safe to say we are friends and it's agreeable with both parties. Now say I attend church and am taught a lesson on marriage or dating and am reminded of the importance of dating and getting married and perhaps even as far as "don't make your future children wait longer than they have to". This is drilled in my mind and I am determined to find someone to get married to. Worthy cause. So, who do I date? What about Girl A?
Fine, I go and ask Girl A on a date (without overthinking what she thinks when I ask her). We have fun and get to know each other better. Still considered friends. I wonder, okay well I still like her and she likes me. So what's the next step toward marriage? Well, forming a relationship of course. So how can I convince her and myself that we should try and become boy/girlfriend? I have no idea. I guess we should hold hands, flirt, and kiss. That's what I've been told and most everyone says it's what you're comfortable with or what "feels right". Fair enough, if I feel comfortable and she does, then we could try something like that and then maybe we can be in a relationship.
This is where I have realized something very important. You must communicate with her about such a thing. What if she isn't ready? What if you aren't sure if you are? You're supposed to be making progress though and should be kissing after the third date, come on! Well... should I?
That's the thing that everyone can give a different answer to. What is considered appropriate with holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc? When do you do it? When do you decide that it's official? How does all that work? I'm sure in a few years when I'm married I'll be able to look back at this blog post and have answers, at least for me. But at the moment I just want to know how to be friends with girls without feeling guilty for not being married yet. And how to tell myself to not assume marriage is the goal with each girl I date, because likely they are not thinking "oh. my. gosh. I am so totally going to marry this guy and I need to figure him out!", but likely "he's cute! i like him" (and that's it for now, not "I like him and should form a relationship with him").
Oh my gosh, I think and worry too much. Thanks for reading. :)
*I am giving a safe generic example, I do not know any girl named Girl A.
Go to 1:25 on the video above to see an honest confession of how we all should respond when asked "how are you?".
Your phone vibrates or the ringtone activates. You pick up your phone and see the incoming call screen. You may see just a phone number with an unknown name, or perhaps it's someone you know very well, seemingly smiling at you from their contact picture you setup. You look at the time. You think about the five or ten excuses for why you didn't answer the phone. Perhaps you should send an automatic text message? You check the defaults but they're all crap. Oh no... they are still ringing! How much patience do they have?
Finally you either give in, they hang up or you find an alternative way to avoid the situation. If they hang up, typically a voice mail will come which you can listen to and then figure out what to text them later. If you do get the energy and prepare yourself quickly enough to answer, then this typically happens.
You, "Hello?"
Caller, "Hi name, how are you? (or "what's up/how are you/how has your day been/many many other varieties of this question")
You, "Good/Fine/Okay, and you?"
At this point the caller either replies simply and gets to the point of calling, or they might take this time as an opportunity to expand on the small chat they have established. Often times they will comment on how their week has been or how they are really doing and why. Sometimes if it's a person you know or actually like, you do in fact care and despite your short responses back, are quite emotionally understanding their situation, good or bad.
But sometimes it's someone you really don't know too well, cannot get along with, or just met. You want to show you care but it's hard. Again, short responses are common to show you recognize their explanation or summary of their week and are understanding their feelings and are feeling them as well.
At some point or another you do eventually get to the point of the call, in which you may become almost social and willing to talk and give in dept information to a question they have. Depending on the topic at hand and how prepared or energized you are to actually discuss said topic, you might spend quite a bit of time bouncing back and forth comfortably, with laughter or a tone of enjoyment on either end of the call.
At some point however, all good things must come to an end and typically it's the called who declares such. You may have enjoyed the actual discussion and as you are in a position to vocally expression your views with them, will find it hard to hang up and return to silence. Or the opposite can be true, and you are glad that the call is about to end and you go back to quick responses to hope that the end comes nearer.
Once you utter the words "goodbye" or a variation of such, and you hang up (either by pressing the red button on the phone screen or by physically placing the phone back in the holder) you give a sign of relief. Not necessarily because it was a very painful process. It just takes a lot of energy to have a consistent and non-awkward phone call and you are glad you can return to the deep and scary places in your brain and contemplate random scenarios that will likely never happen yet are good to be prepared for if they do occur.
If you could relate to a little, some, all of or just any part of this description then you are very much like me. Although I did over-dramatize the simple, common and universal event of a telephone call in in the 21st century, a lot of what I said has been true to myself during different moments of my life. Maybe I think too much (yep). Maybe I have weaknesses I can overcome (absolutely!). But am I any worse or better off than the guy who is always seen on the phone, talking to someone 24/7? Well, (usually) no! We just have different ways and times that we are able to communicate with people.
But the point of this blog post isn't about calling on the phone (although it basically has been so far), but rather about small chat. We live in a world filled with small chat. Everyday, 24/7. Enter the doctor's office and the receptionist asks, "How are you". Call up your parents and they ask, "How are you?" It's in our nature to be polite and the common modern way to show that is by asking how we are.
For many, it's a simple "how are you?" "good, and you?" "good!" and then life goes on and the conversation happens. But for some of us, that simple three worded sentence is one of the worst things to happen. We want to and are expected to respond with a positive statement such as good, fine, okay, great, etc. And in many cases we are actually doing good, fine, okay or great! But what about the times we aren't? Your dog just died. Your favorite sports team just lost. You are sick. Woke up on the wrong side of bed. You just aren't feeling good, fine, okay or great, but rather are feeling depressed, bummed, sick or tired.
If you do respond with an honest "I'm not doing so good", then one of two things could happen. Either A, the person asking how you are will be stunned or caught off guard by the non-linear and un-emotional exchange in small chat prior to the actual discussion and try to brush it off, smile, acknowledge it as if you had said "okay", or get right to the discussion.
B, they will become curious, concerned or want to retain the polite manner-like behavior and will inquirer as to why you are feeling that way. You can sometimes tell if it's due to not wanting to come across as rude or inhuman to feelings. When they appear to genuinely desire, it's sometimes easier to be honest and quickly (or if you really know them and have time on your/their hands, elaborately) explain the reason. Or if it is clearly politeness you often give a short, brief and often non-specific answer such as, "oh just's a bad week" that may not actually give a reason/answer to their question.
And this makes me wonder. If stating you are having a not-so-great day results in a potential questioning for reason, why is it that the common "good" isn't questioned upon? Is knowing someone is "okay" or "great" good enough to satisfy and move on to the discussion? Is there some unsettling feeling of unaccomplished or unsatisfying comfort when presented with a "not good" and the topic at hand moves on anyway? Is there a legitimate reason why we are more prone to know the reason for a negative feeling than for a positive? Or am I just over-thinking this too much? (hmmmm)
So to end this rather lengthy ramble and semi-negative yet hopefully thoughtful blog post, I ask,
1. What would happen if we skipped the general greeting and got right to the discussion? Sort of like if the phone connection cuts off or the battery dies and you quickly call again and after a quick joke you get back to the discussion?
2. Why does a response of "I'm doing -negative-" invite an inquiry as to why you are in fact not good, when responding with "good" is more like pressing "start" on the microwave (it just gets to the point without further question and warms up your food!)
And with those questions asked, I hope you enjoyed this post and will keep checking for more updates in the future!
I had tried to avoid this place as much as possible before my mission. Growing up in the youth we were told that dating was okay but to avoid serious relationships until we were older. To focus on a mission, college or something else before jumping into the marriage wagon. I can remember growing up with that pounded in my head over and over and over and over and over again. To the point that the thought of marriage freaked the collywobbles out of me. (real word, look it up) Me? Married to a beautiful girl forever? Having a family, being depended on to provide for my future children? Holding hands with a girl? Looking a girl in the eyes romantically? What the heck? No I'm not a 8 year old who thinks girls have cooties, but the idea of a serious romantic relationship was absurd to me. I was told to avoid them as a youth!
At least, that's what I got out of the hours and hours of firesides dedicated to helping us stay sexually pure, date safely and focus on fun and socializing than actually getting serious and married. The hours of stake youth activities involving fun dances as the place to date or avoid serious dating. The hours and hours of being told I am the chosen generation and how special I should feel, how awesome we are, how proud our leaders are of us, how special we are going to be in preparing the world for the Gospel. How we better not screw up our life and do bad things like date before 16 or skip a mission because we are the chosen generation.
Real quick: I am not mocking or disrespecting my leaders at all; I love them all to pieces. They are the ones who gave me confidence at youth activities. were willing to chat with me as a friend despite our age gaps. They will forever be awesome and amazing to me. Rather, my remarks are based upon how my 12-18 year old mind comprehended their guidance, warnings and love. Being an introverted teenager who just wanted to fit into the youth somehow, have a few friends who actually seemed to like me, this kind of teenager thought things a certain way. Not the fault of anyone, not me or my leaders. Just how my brain understood and learned things.
So the singles ward. You know the jokes about Mormon culture like Mormon standard time or the different kinds of testimonies, etc? On my mission the Deaf culture and the Mormon culture mixed in an odd way that I was definitely not used to, but grew to love. The deaf doubled the Mormon standard time, used metaphors and object lessons as their language, and loved to socialize. We would find more deaf at branch activities than actual church. And thus it was with the singles ward. Doubled the Mormon standard time, loved to share stories and find ways to connect with gospel principles and the socializing... 85% of church services felt like that.
And you know, there isn't anything wrong with the socializing. How else am I to meet a possible future companion? As long as I've had enough time to energize myself I can go through a few hours of chatting. Take the Sunday of May 10th of 2015. I had just spent a weekend at a YSA conference with over 70 people from both in and out of state! Friday night I had used up my energy finding and re-finding a place to go bowling (See my post on that for more information) and by the time we had gone bowling, I was socially tired. I really did not feel like socializing. I wasn't upset, wasn't mad at anyone. I was just drained out. I needed time for myself, which I gave myself. Then Saturday I was able to more fully enjoy the day. And with another good night's sleep, Sunday I was able to really get involved with the members and chat a lot. I just need time to myself to be ready to chat.
And it's not that I'm unapproachable. I am perfectly fine with chatting with anyone. Sometimes my responses will be shorter than other times, it just depends on how I'm feeling, how well I know you, and if I had enough time by myself to recharge. I try to be happy and responsive to anyone. I don't want people to think I'm anti-social (as in, I hate people and talking to them) because I have no problem with meeting people. Even talking to people. I may not share deep dark secrets with you like how my week really was or the concerns and questions I have, but I'll still smile and be nice.
To sum it up, the singles ward has been quite the adventure. It has been full of days where I have had no desire to chat with anyone (and was unsuccessful at avoiding people because we have a wonderful Elder's Quorum president and sisters who notice those who are shy and alone) and days where I was the only one talking. I have nothing against the singles ward. It's the best place for me to be right now. It's just been a slower ride for me than for others. Asking girls in the singles ward out on dates (oh boy, do I see another blog post in the future?) may not be my strongest ability, but I'll get there eventually. I'm only 22. (watch time + Murphy's law abuse that one!)
