The Singles Ward

I had tried to avoid this place as much as possible before my mission. Growing up in the youth we were told that dating was okay but to avoid serious relationships until we were older. To focus on a mission, college or something else before jumping into the marriage wagon. I can remember growing up with that pounded in my head over and over and over and over and over again. To the point that the thought of marriage freaked the collywobbles out of me. (real word, look it up) Me? Married to a beautiful girl forever? Having a family, being depended on to provide for my future children? Holding hands with a girl? Looking a girl in the eyes romantically? What the heck? No I'm not a 8 year old who thinks girls have cooties, but the idea of a serious romantic relationship was absurd to me. I was told to avoid them as a youth!

At least, that's what I got out of the hours and hours of firesides dedicated to helping us stay sexually pure, date safely and focus on fun and socializing than actually getting serious and married. The hours of stake youth activities involving fun dances as the place to date or avoid serious dating. The hours and hours of being told I am the chosen generation and how special I should feel, how awesome we are, how proud our leaders are of us, how special we are going to be in preparing the world for the Gospel. How we better not screw up our life and do bad things like date before 16 or skip a mission because we are the chosen generation.

Real quick: I am not mocking or disrespecting my leaders at all; I love them all to pieces. They are the ones who gave me confidence at youth activities. were willing to chat with me as a friend despite our age gaps. They will forever be awesome and amazing to me. Rather, my remarks are based upon how my 12-18 year old mind comprehended their guidance, warnings and love. Being an introverted teenager who just wanted to fit into the youth somehow, have a few friends who actually seemed to like me, this kind of teenager thought things a certain way. Not the fault of anyone, not me or my leaders. Just how my brain understood and learned things.

So the singles ward. You know the jokes about Mormon culture like Mormon standard time or the different kinds of testimonies, etc?  On my mission the Deaf culture and the Mormon culture mixed in an odd way that I was definitely not used to, but grew to love. The deaf doubled the Mormon standard time, used metaphors and object lessons as their language, and loved to socialize. We would find more deaf at branch activities than actual church. And thus it was with the singles ward. Doubled the Mormon standard time, loved to share stories and find ways to connect with gospel principles and the socializing... 85% of church services felt like that.

And you know, there isn't anything wrong with the socializing. How else am I to meet a possible future companion? As long as I've had enough time to energize myself I can go through a few hours of chatting. Take the Sunday of May 10th of 2015. I had just spent a weekend at a YSA conference with over 70 people from both in and out of state! Friday night I had used up my energy finding and re-finding a place to go bowling (See my post on that for more information) and by the time we had gone bowling, I was socially tired. I really did not feel like socializing. I wasn't upset, wasn't mad at anyone. I was just drained out. I needed time for myself, which I gave myself. Then Saturday I was able to more fully enjoy the day. And with another good night's sleep, Sunday I was able to really get involved with the members and chat a lot. I just need time to myself to be ready to chat.

And it's not that I'm unapproachable. I am perfectly fine with chatting with anyone. Sometimes my responses will be shorter than other times, it just depends on how I'm feeling, how well I know you, and if I had enough time by myself to recharge. I try to be happy and responsive to anyone. I don't want people to think I'm anti-social (as in, I hate people and talking to them) because I have no problem with meeting people. Even talking to people. I may not share deep dark secrets with you like how my week really was or the concerns and questions I have, but I'll still smile and be nice.

To sum it up, the singles ward has been quite the adventure. It has been full of days where I have had no desire to chat with anyone (and was unsuccessful at avoiding people because we have a wonderful Elder's Quorum president and sisters who notice those who are shy and alone) and days where I was the only one talking. I have nothing against the singles ward. It's the best place for me to be right now. It's just been a slower ride for me than for others. Asking girls in the singles ward out on dates (oh boy, do I see another blog post in the future?) may not be my strongest ability, but I'll get there eventually. I'm only 22. (watch time + Murphy's law abuse that one!)