How are you?

Go to 1:25 on the video above to see an honest confession of how we all should respond when asked "how are you?".

Your phone vibrates or the ringtone activates. You pick up your phone and see the incoming call screen. You may see just a phone number with an unknown name, or perhaps it's someone you know very well, seemingly smiling at you from their contact picture you setup. You look at the time. You think about the five or ten excuses for why you didn't answer the phone. Perhaps you should send an automatic text message? You check the defaults but they're all crap. Oh no... they are still ringing! How much patience do they have?

Finally you either give in, they hang up or you find an alternative way to avoid the situation. If they hang up, typically a voice mail will come which you can listen to and then figure out what to text them later. If you do get the energy and prepare yourself quickly enough to answer, then this typically happens.

You, "Hello?"

Caller, "Hi name, how are you? (or "what's up/how are you/how has your day been/many many other varieties of this question")

You, "Good/Fine/Okay, and you?"

At this point the caller either replies simply and gets to the point of calling, or they might take this time as an opportunity to expand on the small chat they have established. Often times they will comment on how their week has been or how they are really doing and why. Sometimes if it's a person you know or actually like, you do in fact care and despite your short responses back, are quite emotionally understanding their situation, good or bad.

But sometimes it's someone you really don't know too well, cannot get along with, or just met. You want to show you care but it's hard. Again, short responses are common to show you recognize their explanation or summary of their week and are understanding their feelings and are feeling them as well.

At some point or another you do eventually get to the point of the call, in which you may become almost social and willing to talk and give in dept information to a question they have. Depending on the topic at hand and how prepared or energized you are to actually discuss said topic, you might spend quite a bit of time bouncing back and forth comfortably, with laughter or a tone of enjoyment on either end of the call.

At some point however, all good things must come to an end and typically it's the called who declares such. You may have enjoyed the actual discussion and as you are in a position to vocally expression your views with them, will find it hard to hang up and return to silence. Or the opposite can be true, and you are glad that the call is about to end and you go back to quick responses to hope that the end comes nearer.

Once you utter the words "goodbye" or a variation of such, and you hang up (either by pressing the red button on the phone screen or by physically placing the phone back in the holder) you give a sign of relief. Not necessarily because it was a very painful process. It just takes a lot of energy to have a consistent and non-awkward phone call and you are glad you can return to the deep and scary places in your brain and contemplate random scenarios that will likely never happen yet are good to be prepared for if they do occur.

If you could relate to a little, some, all of or just any part of this description then you are very much like me. Although I did over-dramatize the simple, common and universal event of a telephone call in in the 21st century, a lot of what I said has been true to myself during different moments of my life. Maybe I think too much (yep). Maybe I have weaknesses I can overcome (absolutely!). But am I any worse or better off than the guy who is always seen on the phone, talking to someone 24/7? Well, (usually) no! We just have different ways and times that we are able to communicate with people.

But the point of this blog post isn't about calling on the phone (although it basically has been so far), but rather about small chat. We live in a world filled with small chat. Everyday, 24/7. Enter the doctor's office and the receptionist asks, "How are you". Call up your parents and they ask, "How are you?" It's in our nature to be polite and the common modern way to show that is by asking how we are.

For many, it's a simple "how are you?" "good, and you?" "good!" and then life goes on and the conversation happens. But for some of us, that simple three worded sentence is one of the worst things to happen. We want to and are expected to respond with a positive statement such as good, fine, okay, great, etc. And in many cases we are actually doing good, fine, okay or great! But what about the times we aren't? Your dog just died. Your favorite sports team just lost. You are sick. Woke up on the wrong side of bed. You just aren't feeling good, fine, okay or great, but rather are feeling depressed, bummed, sick or tired.

If you do respond with an honest "I'm not doing so good", then one of two things could happen. Either A, the person asking how you are will be stunned or caught off guard by the non-linear and un-emotional exchange in small chat prior to the actual discussion and try to brush it off, smile, acknowledge it as if you had said "okay", or get right to the discussion.

B, they will become curious, concerned or want to retain the polite manner-like behavior and will inquirer as to why you are feeling that way. You can sometimes tell if it's due to not wanting to come across as rude or inhuman to feelings. When they appear to genuinely desire, it's sometimes easier to be honest and quickly (or if you really know them and have time on your/their hands, elaborately) explain the reason. Or if it is clearly politeness you often give a short, brief and often non-specific answer such as, "oh just's a bad week" that may not actually give a reason/answer to their question.

And this makes me wonder. If stating you are having a not-so-great day results in a potential questioning for reason, why is it that the common "good" isn't questioned upon? Is knowing someone is "okay" or "great" good enough to satisfy and move on to the discussion? Is there some unsettling feeling of unaccomplished or unsatisfying comfort when presented with a "not good" and the topic at hand moves on anyway? Is there a legitimate reason why we are more prone to know the reason for a negative feeling than for a positive? Or am I just over-thinking this too much? (hmmmm)

So to end this rather lengthy ramble and semi-negative yet hopefully thoughtful blog post, I ask,

1. What would happen if we skipped the general greeting and got right to the discussion? Sort of like if the phone connection cuts off or the battery dies and you quickly call again and after a quick joke you get back to the discussion?

2. Why does a response of "I'm doing -negative-" invite an inquiry as to why you are in fact not good, when responding with "good" is more like pressing "start" on the microwave (it just gets to the point without further question and warms up your food!)

And with those questions asked, I hope you enjoyed this post and will keep checking for more updates in the future!