I have realized today that my mind is a very powerful tool that if not handled correctly, could result in unintended consequences and behaviors and expectations. Whenever I am presented with the opportunity to made a decision or judgement on a situation, I tend to ask for other opinions, I try to determine which decisions will impact me the most in positive ways, and then I stick to that choice or opinion until presented with new and better information.
Take marriage. I know my next major goals are to get a college education, good supportive job and married. Marriage itself can be very complicated and I do not want to overestimate or undervalue it's importance, but there have been many suggestions and misunderstandings that have stuck with me and become my "motive" when pursuing marriage. As members of the LDS church, we have been told time and time again to get married if we are single. That is an obvious and simple statement, yet as someone who just finished one's mission and am trying to get involved in the dating life, that can be more of an impact on me than to others.
I think too deep. I know that. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I cherish it. I worry too much. I know that as well. I envision situations in my mind of what I hope happens and then the worst case scenario. So I can enjoy a fantasy world, and still prepare for the worst case scenario. This has been how I've always lived. Expect the worst, hope for the best. This powerful influence has caused me to worry a lot, and to underestimate my worth and value to others.
So let's assume that I meet and like Girl A*. I think she is cute, and she is nice to me. We talk and converse through technology and become friends. At this stage, it's safe to say we are friends and it's agreeable with both parties. Now say I attend church and am taught a lesson on marriage or dating and am reminded of the importance of dating and getting married and perhaps even as far as "don't make your future children wait longer than they have to". This is drilled in my mind and I am determined to find someone to get married to. Worthy cause. So, who do I date? What about Girl A?
Fine, I go and ask Girl A on a date (without overthinking what she thinks when I ask her). We have fun and get to know each other better. Still considered friends. I wonder, okay well I still like her and she likes me. So what's the next step toward marriage? Well, forming a relationship of course. So how can I convince her and myself that we should try and become boy/girlfriend? I have no idea. I guess we should hold hands, flirt, and kiss. That's what I've been told and most everyone says it's what you're comfortable with or what "feels right". Fair enough, if I feel comfortable and she does, then we could try something like that and then maybe we can be in a relationship.
This is where I have realized something very important. You must communicate with her about such a thing. What if she isn't ready? What if you aren't sure if you are? You're supposed to be making progress though and should be kissing after the third date, come on! Well... should I?
That's the thing that everyone can give a different answer to. What is considered appropriate with holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc? When do you do it? When do you decide that it's official? How does all that work? I'm sure in a few years when I'm married I'll be able to look back at this blog post and have answers, at least for me. But at the moment I just want to know how to be friends with girls without feeling guilty for not being married yet. And how to tell myself to not assume marriage is the goal with each girl I date, because likely they are not thinking "oh. my. gosh. I am so totally going to marry this guy and I need to figure him out!", but likely "he's cute! i like him" (and that's it for now, not "I like him and should form a relationship with him").
Oh my gosh, I think and worry too much. Thanks for reading. :)
*I am giving a safe generic example, I do not know any girl named Girl A.
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